Tonight I smoked a wicked joint and this flood of epiphanies came to me:

1. Pot makes me giggle and act silly,  but cute
2. Pot makes me channel wisdom
3. Pot makes me spend time in my head and center myself, therefore appearing more composed
4. Pot slows my movements, and therefore makes me graceful
5. Pot makes me agreeable
6. Pot makes me a little bit disabled, and therefore “needy” of assistance
7. Pot makes me listen better

And I’ll be damned if those aren’t the above mentioned requirements for womanhood…. hum, food for though!

In the beginning of the industrial revolution, there were very few corporations, and therefore the businessmen were la creme-de-la-creme of society’s intellectuals. But once the corporation became the post-Hippy American way of life, business people were multiplying like mushrooms (Thus also giving birth to the 80′s secret fascination and paranoia with the “Suit”).

Now all those teenagers who in the 80′s found “The Suit” to be so threatening to their individuality are also business people. And to keep the big bad “Suit” stigma away, they brought to the office with them the coolness and funk of their youth.

Thus, you now have “Alternative Lifestyles in Suits” in America. But here in Bulgaria, the “Suit” has not even developed its social stigma, let alone caused a revolution. So they have no idea what they are looking at when they see me Someone should enlighten them that they are looking into the future.

But why should it have that effect on me, you ask?

It all it comes from one tiny little saying my grandma always drilled into me as a child. She told me to “never make an empty trip”, always think about multitasking; when you’re going somewhere make sure to take everything else that needs to go that way as well, so you don’t have to come back and make the same trip again just for it.

Sounds like sound advice to save you some unnecessary work, you’d say! Sure, until it burdens your life so much that “life” never actually has time to happen to you? Sure, sound advise!

What that “wise” lesson implies is that you MUST always be thinking ahead about all the steps of your day and compile them all into one though that you carry with yourself throughout the day as to not forget something that you could have, not should have necessarily, but could have done simultaneously with something else, as to save time. Because in the end what this folklore wisdom tells us is, that, always be saving time, optimizing your movements as to achieve more in one gesture, more in one minute, more in one hour, and more in one day, as to be able to handle it all.

What all, you ask?

The all of the nucleus, the all of the world, from the personal TASKS, to the personal wants and needs, to the immediate family TASKS, then wants and needs, and then to a lesser degree to all the following circles that expand from that nucleus. The person who received this “ultimate wisdom” proceeds to overwhelm themselves b/c they somehow subconsciously feel that activities, tasks, to-do lists, and time itself (and what with time being the most precious thing, but don’t feel any pressure…), all rest on that person’s shoulders.

Why would they bother to overwhelm themselves even if they believed that time should be saved, you ask?

Because they THINK that they are doing it out of concern and love (therefore care) first for THEMSELVES, and then to a lesser degree outward into the living world (people and animals and all living things on the planet).

DAMN…. That explains so many things about my personality

1. I always carry things, bags everything. I always say, I need 6 arms b/c the 2 that I have I don’t give them a chance with the amount of things I carry
2. The reason why I carry so many things and so clumsily at that is because I have all thins that I ill need for that day with me. And since I’m always optimizing things, I’m also distracted and always forgetting things, then getting very very very frustrated with myself for forgetting and failing to utilize a trip… “Oh what a horrible shame.. You are certainly the most unless and inadequate girl in the world, what a waste of breath. Someone who forgets something that they could have brought along or done simultaneously with something else. What a waste!” – She would have you believe.
3. Why I always finds ways to overwhelm myself with “activities” and tasks and then have them make so frustrated, angry, and cross with myself all the time.
4. Why I’m always running out of time to do the things in the day
5. Why the clock runs too fast for me
6. Why I constantly feel behind on my do to list
7. Why I’m always late
   1. for work
   2. for trains, and airplanes (I always go to stations at the last minute)
   3. Also physically I express that symptom by waiting to the very last second to pee
8. Why I’m a slow, supposedly stubborn, learner of life’s lessons. I never “figure it out” quickly, as to leave something to be desired in my performance, to be “behind” what I could have accomplished in that same time. Me learning 5 times slower than what could have been, effectively makes sure that I don’t divulge to myself the reason why I even feel that I should being able to pack as much as possible of them in one year. For example:
   1. In 7 years with Tim I could have learned so much more, couldn’t have i?
   2. In 3 years with Daniel, I could have also packed in more knowledge.
   3. And there are so many other examples of my slow understanding of live’s truths and lessons.
9. To cover all that and make it look like it comes from somewhere else that is caused by either me overtly or by the outside world:
   1. procrastination as a cover up for this mechanism
   2. And quite possibly another symptom of the always running behind feeling, is the creation of a “late bloomer” theory that I have my whole life, late with boobs, certainly very late with period, very late with kissing a boy, extremely late with sec, late to mature, late to grow us, late to get “stiffy” and “old”, late with wanting and being able to keep relationships, and finally late with marriage and a family, and ultimately late with LIFE. All that just to cover up that fact that I will inevitably.
10. Why I’m so damn narcissistic. I adore myself always and make sure to point that out to myself and the rest of the world.
11. Why I cannot resist caring for animals (feeds into the mechanism in 2 ways. Secures overwhelming and allows for the pretense of “caring” to live on)

But what to do in order to cure all these very deeply seeded habits that even escape the consciousness of a person, you ask?

We have to attach each symptom by itself, and systematically, as to reveal each one as not a “fact,” but merely a symptom of an unfortunate misunderstanding between the generations. The reason that I always carry a million bags is because I’ve been told that I must optimize time, and the reason why I feel useless is because I have been told that if I “make empty trips”  I am useless. A loss of translation, if you will.

So don’t listened to your grandmothers when they tell you that you should be a multitasker at all time b/c you will miss your life while trying to “get it done” faster.

DAMN, this pot is out of this world!

“The high drinking age in the States is a BRILLIANT, absolutely BRILLIANT idea to make the US the leading country in the world.”

Follow me here:

A – not drinking before 21, leads to

B  – creating a juvenile, “still under development” feeling in adults, leads to B1 – a careless, happy go lucky, smiling, positive (albeit at times retarded) nation, B2 – optimistic and progressive thinking, growth and development of the individual and the nation

C – leaving time for education, leads to B2 – optimistic and progressive thinking, growth and development of the individual and the nation, and C1 – high national level of professionalism and quality of performance, which leads to C1.1 – MONEY, which leads to C1.2 – COMMERCIALISM

D – making them crazed about drinking / consumerism, leads to C1.2 – COMMERCIALISM, and D1 – a careless, happy go lucky, smiling, positive (albeit at times retarded) nation

All B, C, and D, lead to E – Making the US, the most powerful country in the world, our Modern Dynasty.

21 to drink = dynasty

Brilliant!